Is it good to confess your secrets?

 

By Rois Ola

THERE’S a general assumption that secrets are bad. Honesty is expensive and something that if not properly handled can affect so many things in a relationship.

Telling lies, hiding things are issues that partners should be accountable for. In this case, all manner of small and big secrets, but really who is to say what’s small or big in terms of secrets?

What may be small to you will appear mighty to another person. A minor misdemeanor is another person’s betrayal. And betrayal of any sorts cuts deeper even than a sword because some wounds don’t heal quickly.

The ability to handle confessions or confess relates differently to people. Some people may misbehave and quickly confess while some will wait till they get caught. Now remorse on misdemeanor is any discussion that can take days to argue on.

I will discuss a few of these secrets with you below, just a few, because people experience so many more. These are tips that have been shared before, but will share again based on feedback from people.

Secret of having affairs and/ or one-night stand

I believe that the damage a secret can cause in your relationship depends on your personal perception. Also in some cases, how your partner perceives it to be, the more you keep it, the harder it is to confess. The secret will not give you peace of mind. I had a case of someone who had a one-night stand, that was meant to be “meaningless” the cost of keeping over time became an additional burden. Let’s not even talk about porn, debt, gambling, another wife or husband hidden somewhere or having a constant side chick or side bae, an ongoing relationship that does not seem to have an expiry date. Coming clean means you have to change, are you ready to?

Effect of confessions

It may be a relief at long last to get a secret off your chest and finally be free. But what about the person who has been kept in the dark? How can you tell what the reaction will be? Secrecy is deadly.   It is nearly always better not to have secrets, but sometimes it might be better to keep quite in a wise Head, the decision is yours. You have to think about what you’re hoping to achieve and be ready for the consequence, you also have to think about keeping quiet and be ready for what comes after or maybe never just maybe.

Secrets of the family

For any family, there should be boundaries on secrecy. While some couples may think there is nothing wrong in letting the kids know about what goes on between the couple it is not ideal to be too open or frank with them, especially if they are not old enough to fully comprehend issues on ground. Honesty is best. But that doesn’t mean revealing all the dirty details. I usually advise that couples should censor with wisdom their words and think carefully about motives before you give away too much about your life or issues between you and your partner

Ultimately, it’s up to you as a couple to decide what’s appropriate for them. But never underestimate the impact of revealing secrets to your children. Be wise.

 

Steps to take if you decide to confess a secret

— Think about how your partner will feel. Will it be good? Will it be bad or downright ugly? Put yourself in his or her shoes.

— It’s an awesome relief if you have now decided to come clean yourself. It’s much harder if you get caught with that secret and also difficult if you are the one it is being hidden from.

— Be ready for hard work because when trust is lost, gaining it back is serious pressure. Your every move after this will be scrutinized closely, you must be ready. And it will take time. Sometimes it is difficult to gauge the real depth of damage confessions bring. It’s just a risk one may have to take to set things right.

— The onus will now be on you to lay emphasis that you believe honesty is a risk worth taking because you value the relationship (that will not be easy to say).

— Have it in mind that if your relationship is truly strong, and you are prepared to put in the work, and also face the music, then confession can lead to renewed trust and closeness. You just have to try and convince them that you will not or never repeat those things and own up quickly when you need help to resist. I wish you all the best.